Finding Trust in a Black-and-White World

Navigating relationships as a neurodivergent person can feel like a minefield. Many of us instinctively categorize people, choices, and situations into “good” or “bad.” This black-and-white thinking helps us make sense of a world that can often feel overwhelming or unpredictable. But what happens when someone we trust—someone in our “good” category—does something that doesn’t quite fit?

For many neurodivergent people, this is where the struggle begins. We might question their intentions, feel conflicted about the relationship, or even wonder if we’ve misjudged them entirely. This constant reevaluation can make social interactions incredibly stressful, keeping us on guard and overanalyzing every word, action, or choice.

The Root of the Struggle

This way of thinking often comes from two places:

1. Past experiences of broken trust. Many neurodivergent people have been taken advantage of due to our trusting and straightforward nature.

2. Difficulty reading people. Autistic individuals, in particular, might struggle to pick up on subtle social cues, making us feel unsure about who we can trust.

To protect ourselves, we develop systems—ways to collect data and spot patterns. These systems help us feel safer, but they can also trap us in a loop of constant vigilance, where trust feels fragile and fleeting.

Redefining Trust

What if we could let go of this constant reevaluation, at least with a few key people? Instead of dissecting every interaction, we could decide: This person is good. I trust them. When they make a mistake or have a bad moment, we could view it as just that—a moment, not a reflection of their entire character.

This shift might not happen overnight, but it’s a practice worth trying. Start with the people who feel safest—those who consistently show kindness, honesty, and care. Remind yourself: I’ve chosen to trust them. I don’t need to revisit this question every time.

The Freedom of Letting Go

Deciding to trust someone unconditionally can feel like a huge relief. It doesn’t mean ignoring red flags or staying in harmful situations—it means recognizing that relationships are messy, and even good people make mistakes. By giving ourselves permission to trust, we free up mental energy and create space for deeper, more meaningful connections.

For neurodivergent individuals, this kind of trust can feel like stepping into a gray zone—scary, uncertain, and new. But in that gray zone, we might discover something powerful: the peace that comes from letting go of constant categorization and allowing people to simply be.